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Posts Tagged ‘week’

I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I noticed a spoon in the shirt pocket of our waiter as he handed us the menus. It seemed a little odd, but I dismissed it as a random thing. Until our busboy came with water & tableware; he too, sported a spoon in his breast pocket. I looked around the room, and all the waiters, waitresses, busboys, etc. had spoons in their pockets.

When our waiter returned to take our order, I just had to ask, “Why the spoons?”

“Well,” he explained, “our parent company recently hired some Andersen Consulting efficiency experts to review all our procedures, and after
months of statistical analyses, they concluded that our patrons drop spoons on the floor 73% more often than any other utensil; at a frequency of 3 spoons per hour per workstation. By preparing all our workers for this contingency in advance, we can cut our trips to the kitchen down and save time…nearly 1.5 extra man-hours per shift.

Just as he concluded, a “ch-ching” came from the table behind him, and he quickly replaced a fallen spoon with the one from his pocket.
“I’ll grab another spoon the next time I’m in the kitchen instead of making a special trip,” he proudly explained. I was impressed. “Thanks. I had to ask.” “No problem,” he answered, then he continued to take our orders.

As the members of my dinner party took their turns, my eyes darted back & forth from each person ordering and my menu. That’s when, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a thin, black thread protruding from our waiter’s fly. Again, I dismissed it; yet I had to scan the room and, sure enough, there were other waiters & busboys with strings hanging out of their trousers.

My curiosity overrode discretion at this point, so before he could leave I had to ask. “Excuse me, but…uh…why, or what…about that string?”
“Oh, yeah” he began in a quieter tone. “Not many people are that observant. That same efficiency group found we could save time in the Men’s room, too.” “How’s that, I asked?” “You see, by tying a string to the end of our, eh. . ., selves, we can pull it out at the urinals literally hands-free and thereby eliminate the need to wash our hands, cutting time spent in the restroom by over 93%!”
“Oh, that makes sense,” I said, but then thinking through the process, I asked, “Hey, wait a minute. If the string helps you pull it out, how do you get it back in?”

“Well,” he whispered, “I don’t know about the other guys; but I use the spoon in my pocket”!

Okay, so – My 21st is coming up, and I’m like super excited. My boyfriend is taking me out to dinner the night before for just a like private romantic night, but the actual night of my birthday – everyone is going out to party (And then the day after, I’m flying to Hawaii with my boyfriend for a week)

Anyways – for literally like two months, I have been trying to find the perfect party dress for when we go out.

It has to be a bright color (Preferable pink) and it needs to stand out, I want all eyes on me.

I want people to know it’s my night!

Normally, it would have been easy for me to find something, there was a really cute pink dress at Nordstroms that I liked but I didn’t like that the back was covered up, I want it to be backless or tied.

Links would be great!
Nice brands please, don’t care about how much it costs.

Meaning like Nordstroms, Saks, Neiman, etc…nothing below that.

For the second time in one week, China refused entry to one of the US’s aircraft carriers, which had a pre-scheduled and approved docking time in Hong Kong. Dozens, if not hundreds of American family members had flown to Hong Kong to spend Thanksgiving with their military family members and were left with no explanation or reason why the ship was refused entry.

What is brewing with this increased cold shoulder from China? How is it tied to Russias increased hostility towards the USA? How is it tied to Iran?

Its all part and parcel, in my mind. Your thoughts?

I have a professor right now who is beyond awful. Not only are his teaching skills atrocious, but his appearance is even worse. He smells, never combs his hair, it doesn’t look (or smell) like he ever brushes his teeth, his clothes have holes and stains (which get progressively worse over the week because he obviously doesn’t ever clean or change them) in them, his shoes are never tied, his fly is half unzipped, and if his shirt is ever tucked in, it is only a little bit, never all the way! It is so hard to concentrate in a class where you are thinking about how gross the teacher is instead of what he is talking about. His skills as an educator are bad enough alone! Is it really necessary for him to look like a hobo slob when he comes to teach university courses?
Anyway, I am writing a letter to the dean of students for his department regarding the matter, but how do I write this letter without just saying “he is a smelly dirty fool who shouldn’t be teaching here”? Any ideas? Thanks!

If you don’t like this, don’t answer.
We begin the show with Daffy in the ring with 3 podiems around him. “This week is the last week to vote for who you want to face King Arthur at Super Sunday for his Beatdown Championship. So far, Garfield is leading the vote with 2 votes, Dre & Jak each have 1. But, because this is the final week, I thought I’d have each ‘candidate’ explain why they should face Arty.’ All 3 of them came out. Dre started out. “I think that Arty & I would put on a classic that none of you will soon forget.’ Garfield interrupted by saying, “Oh yeah, it would be a classic, a classic claustrophobic piece of sh**. What you guys want to see is Garfield vs. Arty to continue the saga. That would be a…” Jak interrupted with “terrible choice. Dre, you and Arty would hep eachother out. Garfield, you have had your chance at Arty. I think you fans deserve something new. So why not pick me.” Daffy then said,, “You all have great reasons, but I think we need a physical debate to settle this. Tonight, it will be a 3-way tag match. Each of you are allowed to pick your own partner. And the ref will be none other than King Arty.” He left as tension flied between the 3 competitors.
We begin the night with Tarzan facing Taco Bell Chihuahua. It was a great match. Tarzan had Taco about to tap out when Chester the Cheetah (Cheetos) came out with bat with glass shards in it. He hit Tarzan with it multiple times. This caused Taco to get DQ’d, but he didn’t care as he joined in on the attack, without knowing what it was for. After Tarzan was a bloody mess, Chester got a mic and said, “Tarzan, I am getting revenge. You killed my cousin, Sabor, and now, I want to avenge him. I wish he did kill you as an infant.” Han Solo and Jane ran into the ring, but Taco & Chester got out just in time.
The next match had Mills Lane face Jerry. In the middle of the match, the ref was pulled from outside and was hit with brass knuckles by Hugo Chavez in a ref shirt. Mills didn’t realize this, as Hugo had a mask that looked like a face. Hugo deliberately counted slowly to allow Jerry to kick out every time. Eventually, Mills got angry and yelled at the ‘ref’. Hugo punched Mills with the knucks. He dragged Jerry on Mills to give him the victory. He left quickly before Mills got up.
Calvin & Hobbes faced off against Beatdown tag champs Pooh & Piglet. It was a great match. Calvin & Hobbes won after a Wagon Ride from Calvin on Piglet. After the match, pooh came in and tried to hit a Suckel Punch, but instead got stopped by Hobbes, who hit an Imaginary Slam. They left indicating they wanted the titles.
It was main event time after that. It was Garfield & Casper vs. Jak & Ronald McDonald vs. Dr. Dre & Chewbacca. Arty did a great job refereeing as it was right down the middle. Garfield had Ronald in a corner and kept on beating on him. Arty pulled Garfield off. Garfield began to argue with arty. As this was going on, Dre snuck up behind Garfield and rolled him up for a pin. Arty counted to 3 to give Dre & Chewbacca the victory. Garfield got up and argued with arty some more. He pushed him and Arty clothelined him. This started a huge brawl. All 3 sides tried their best to gain supremacy. Reinforcements came from back stage. Arty tried to get out, since he wasn’t really a part of this. As he was going up the ramp, Eduardo came out and wrapped his arms around Arty. Garfield & Casper snuck out and went backstage. Backstage, they tied Arty to a pole with barbed wire. They kept on beating on him until he bled. Garfield brought out his cheese grater and hit Arty with it over and over again. He got champagne from Casper and sprayed it all over Arty. He took the championship away from him as the show ends.
Remember to vote for who you want to fce Arty. Dre, Jak, & Garfield. You can vote again if you voted earlier.