Well. No one will read this whole thing. But, I’m just going to go ahead and throw a few of these points out here, just to get them off of my mind…
The other day, I had bent to tie my shoe outside of the Kennedy bookstore, when two sorority girls walked past me. Now, let me start by saying, I have absolutely no issue at all with sororities. I think they can be really positive things in most cases. It’s just that I mention that these girls were in a sorority, because they were talking loudly and cruelly about another girl in their sorority.
It just really struck me because, here these people were, having paid actual money to be in this sorority, and still, feeling no sort of emotional attachment or loyalty to the people they were supposed to be care about. Now, I understand that there are always going to be people who merit a certain amount of dislike wherever you go– and we are ALL guilty of voicing our true ideas of people behind their backs (in both positive and negative fashions)… But… You see people all of the time spreading rumors and making countless negative comments… A lot of times this is someone who you supposedly consider a friend. But it is apparent that you don’t care enough about anyone in a particular friendship in order to avoid the gossip to save the friendship. They find out– they stop talking to you– you don’t care. I don’t know. Maybe I’m wrong, but it just seems that people just don’t… get attached… in college.
I just don’t understand it. I guess maybe it has something to do with the fact that people just come and go to and from your life so frequently in college. Maybe it’s some sort of defense mechanism. If you don’t grow attached to people, it doesn’t hurt when they leave.
It’s even that way in relationships. People date sometimes for years, declare that they care about this person deeply, then break up one day and never speak again. You’re allotted a certain amount of time to get over this person. You aren’t supposed to care about how they’re doing or what they’re feeling. You’re just supposed to pick up and move on. In college, I see people bouncing from relationship to relationship, remaining utterly emotionally removed. I feel as though people are taught to maximize all that they can get from a relationship, rather than all you can give to that person. You give only to get. When people get bored, they cheat. Oh and physical appearance, by the way, is the top priority because you sure as hell aren’t supposed to like someone solely based on their personality. And here we are back in high school. We never left. You know, maybe we never will. I haven’t yet experienced life after college, so I don’t know. Maybe the whole world is full of shallow people who eat genuine people for breakfast. I don’t understand– In relationships, I DO really care about that person. I do get attached. I’m interested in how I can improve their life, not what I can bloody-well get from them. I’d never cheat. I’m awfully trustworthy. Oh, and I hold personality way above all else. So what happens to me? I date someone. I care about them. I maximize all that I can give. They maximize all that they can take. And they just leave, replacing me maybe even within the week.
Observing this, you would think that since people seem to have become blatantly unattached and frankly uninvolved, they would stop giving a flying flip about what anyone else thinks… but in many aspects, it turns out to be quite the contrary. People go to great lengths to impress others. They forgo their own interests and conform to those of the masses, in order to ensure that they are able to *click* into place. I just don’t understand. If someone asks me what my favorite television show is, I’m not about to say Grey’s Anatomy–since that’s sort of become the stereo-typical college chick’s chart topper. I’m going to blurt out the truth, because I’m damned-well honest. It isn’t that I don’t care at all about that person’s opinion of me, (if I’m to be honest, I don’t think you’d be human if you didn’t), I just refuse to give up what makes me me just so I can fit in with a bunch of people who don’t know the real me.
Maybe this is why I don’t have too many female friends. I openly declare that I’m nerdy enough to play video-games for hours, go run 10 miles and then watch Futurama. I eat burgers instead of salads. I write in my journal instead of gossiping. Not that I’ve had much time to do those things lately… hah. I just don’t really think about how that affects people’s viewpoint of me… But then maybe that’s why we just don’t end up with much to talk about… And maybe I should make an effort because that’s what “branching-out” is… Maybe I’m the wrong one.
Oh, and another thing I thought was over in high school– I see girls dumbing themselves down to impress guys! Now, why, why, WHY in the hell? First off, intelligence is something you should be proud of, not ashamed. And really, aren’t you just opening yourself up to a world of humiliation if nothing else? You are saying– ” here I am, brainless and naive. I guess you’re in charge…”
Maybe it’s just because I am a very independent person and cannot for the life of me stand being dominated by others… I don’t know. Why would I want to convey something that isn’t me at all? Where is your self-respect?
I just can’t help but wondering– where did all the genuine people go? Some people point to religion, but I feel as though organized religion can often have a certain amount of phoniness about it as well.
Surely, there must be someone out there who feels just like me? ??
I feel as though religion uses social unity to influence people’s behavior, just like non-religious social organizations.
Isn’t there someone out there, who is genuine by their own volition?
It isn’t that this particular state of the world concerns me to no end… but it really does sort of leave me in a dilemma. Should I change myself in order to be better absorbed into our culture?
Should I trade everything for lies and deceit? Should I stop caring, stop giving, stop getting attached? Stop trusting?
Because when you’re in the minority, you are a lot more vulnerable. I guess while everyone else is learning to avoid getting hurt by not truly opening themselves up to anyone else… I don’t know… Maybe I’m the dim-witted one… for not changing.
