I just wanted to hear some opinions on my situation. What would you do in my case.
I am having a wedding this spring and my bridal party consists of 3 people: 2 girls and a guy. My maid of honor is flying in from another country 2-3 days before the event. I wanted the 2 girls wearing two identical dresses and a guy wearing a vest and a tie the same color as their dresses.
My maid of honor asked me if I am sure I want to pick out the dress for her by myself since there will be only 2 days to alter it in case something does not fit. I said who else will? And she said that she could schedule an appointment with seamstress right away but only in case I will pay for the dress, otherwise she wants to find a dress herself in her country that fits the description of the dress I want her to wear.
Who should pay for the bridesmaids dresses? As far as I remember, in all the weddings I’ve been to the bridesmaids paid for the dresses. (I still have the old bridesmaid dress hanging in my closet. It cost me about $300)
I am afraid that if she’ll pick a dress on her own, it will not be exact match to the other girl’s dress. I was going to find 2 dresses for under $150 and even put a deposit on them myself, but now I don’t even know what to do.
Does the bride traditionally pays for everyone’s gown?
I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, but it kind of upset me that she is sort of giving me an ultimatum. Her wedding is going to be sometime at the end of this year and she probably will want me to pay for my own dress. And I also will have to fly abroad to attend the wedding. I do want things to be my way, since it is my wedding and my first wedding I didn’t get exactly what I wanted, so this time I want everything.
Every wedding I have been to it has been the bridesmaids who pay for their own dresses. The bride pays for the jewellery. I also bought my girls shoes & they also paid for their own hair & makeup cause they so lovely to me
)
You can always tell her you will organise the dress yourself & she can transfer the money to you. If you have a friend near you in her size & figure shape, get them to go along with you to check it all out. It is not up to your bridesmaid to choose her dress, unfortunately for her it is your choice through & through ;o)
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No, part of being a bridesmaid is having to pay for your own gown. Don’t feel guilty that they’re spending a lot of money, because when it comes time to their weddings, you will have to go through the same thing yourself. I don’t see anything wrong with telling your maid of honor that she must buy the dress here, and 2 days for alterations is plenty, especially if you tell the tailor that your wedding is in 2 days and it is urgent that he fix her dress.
I can’t believe she even suggested that you pay for her dress!
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Usually, the BM pays for her own dress, but then again, the BM is typically able to try on her own dress before she actually has to wear it. I’ve never had a formal dress that didn’t need alot of tailoring, and that likely can’t be done in a day realistically. I know you want your 2 BM to wear the same dress, but I think in this case it would likely be much better if they wore the same color in complimentary styles (which is a more modern approach to the BM dress situation anyway). This way, your BM can get the dress she wants, she’ll feel better about paying for it, and you don’t have to worry about alterations being made in time.
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The way I understand it, if it is a dress that can be worn again, the bridesmaids should either help pay for it, or pay for it completely.
If it’s a dress that will only be worn once, i.e. something tailored in style to match the wedding but which will look odd elsewhere, the bride should foot the entire bill.
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If you can afford to maybe you can split the cost. Look at if from her point of view, your picking out the dress and she has no idea what it looks like or how it will fit. If she were to buy one herself she would not have to worry about how if fits or looks. Or if she doesn’t agree to pay half (and for alterations) try sending her a picture of what you want so she can try to match as close as possible. Or maybe she can go get measured by a seamstress and order the dress on line, that way she pays for it…hope this helps, good luck!
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I have been in a few weddings… in one i didn’t pay for the dress in the othe I did pay for the dress. It all depends on how you want to do it.. I know generally if they pay for your dress you should by them a gift as a thank you (nothng cheap).. but if you pay for there dress then you dont by them a gift… The wedding i was in that i payed for the dress, the bride gave each of us a Gold Neckless, with pendent.
Also dont let anyone ruin your day either, if you want everyone in matching dresses then you need to tell your friend that. Dont let anyone push you over.
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you are giving her too much power. she pays for the dress that you pick out! End of story. You are going to have to much other stuff to pay for!!!
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daughter has been in 7 weddings in past 4 years
and always paid for her own bridesmaids dress, we
live in USA and that is customary here, from what I’ve read
on this forum in the past other countries have different
customs on this issue!
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Usually the girls pay for their own dresses, but I don’t believe that it is set in stone.
You could have any dress sent anywhere in the world, why not have it ordered and sent to her, that way she can have it done by her with out the rush of everything when she comes into town.
If that is not going to work, then you should have her send you all pictures of what she is looking at and pick the best one.
But, here is something that you need to remember..
This is your day and all, but seriously, do you really want to make a mountain out of a molehill? Let this go, it’s not like she would pick a tu-tu with long sleeves right? If this is the worst problem that you encounter, consider yourself lucky, it could be a lot worse.
Talk this over with her and come up with something that works for the both of you, it’s your maid of honor for Pete’s sake, not some stranger your inviting to your wedding.
Relax, check this off your list and put that energy into something else that needs to be done~
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no the bridesmaid pays for the dress, and can you find another maid of honor who is less picky and a pain in the @ss? good luck
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Okay. Keep in mind that your friend is flying in for your special day. That’s some serious bucks. In order to make things easier on everyone (because you don’t want to add stress a couple days before your wedding) let her get her dress first and send you a photo of her in it. Once you know what it looks like take your other bridesmaid to the store to find something in the same color and same/different style OR get a different color. My friends did both, one had all black dresses in whatever style they picked and another person had same dressed but in all different colors. Keep in mind that not everything has to be an exact match. REMEMBER that no matter what your wedding day is about becoming “one” with your man, not what the dresses look like. Keep things in perspective and enjoy.
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Traditionally attendants pay for their gown, a bride may do it if she has the means. My aunt payed for mine when I was her maid of honor, she did this because the only bridesmaid was her 13 year old daughter, so she was going to have to pay for that one anyway. You could do what she did, though in your case for different reasons. SInce there is no time for alterations, since there are only 2 ladies in your bridal party, dont get “bridesmaid” dresses. Get the dress sizes of the girls and go to deparment stores, deb shops, wherever and get two identical off the rack dresses. It opens up possibilities on styles, instead of just the potato sack assembly line bridesmaid dress. They are more reware able, you arent locked into bridesmaid dress prices, Ive seen dresses in department stores for 75 that were so similar looking a bridesmaid dress I wore at a friends wedding that cost me 150. They wont need to be altered, bridesmaid dress always need to be hemmed, its like they put the extra length on it on purpose. This may help you on the selecting, purchasing, altering, picking up issue. Its upto you if you tell them you want to be reimbursed or find you got such a deal, you would offer to pick up the tab.
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The Bridesmaids pay for their own gown. Unless you are rolling in dough, or really want to pay for the dress as a gift to her, they pay for their own gown.
A trend now is to pick the fabric color, type, and perhaps a length… and let the bridesmaids pick their own style of dress. They know what looks best on their body type. If the bridesmaid picks out their own dress, they will also typically be able to wear the dress again… depending on the color scheme.
She accepted, and believe it or not, you CAN ask her to wear a dress of your choosing. But because of her circumstances with the traveling and short turn around, I don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to cover the cost of the seamstress charges for the rush job if you pick out and purchase the dress for her before she gets here. She’d of course owe you the $ for the dress… but you’d pay for the alterations when she gets here.
Be aware – the rush fees might cost as much as the dress itself!
Good Luck!
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bridesmaids pay….and then enjoy those lovely dresses forever and ever….
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The bridesmaid pays for her own dress & you get to pick it out.
Can you find a store that’s international? So they each girl can pick the dress where they live?
Can you buy the dress early enough and ship it to her? This way she can have it altered where she lives & bring it with her to the states.
If these aren’t option then maybe you need to ask her to step down
It;s your wedding – you pick the dresses & the colors. Often bridesmaids don;t like the dresses but tough – it’s not their day.
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Traditionally the bridal party pays for their gowns but honestly, if she is paying to fly in from another country, I think the least you could do would be to buy her dress for her. My maid of honor is flying in from across the country and I bought hers. I went online and found a dress that we all loved and bought them… Including shipping they came to $75… and they all got their dresses this week and all say they fit perfectly!
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The bridesmaids pay for their own transportation to the event, their dresses AND their accessories.
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bridesmaid pay for their dress and the bride picks the dress. All my bridemaids are coming from New york. The weding is in miami they are all coming on friday and the wedding is on saturday. if the dress needs to be altered it will have to be done that friday and yes they did pay for their own dress. this is my wedding it will go how I want it to go. if you don’t agree with my rules you will not be in my wedding.
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The bride does not pay for the dress, the maid pays.
You can get around the limited time by finding the dress you like, asking who the stockists are in her country and then she goes and buys it there with pleanty of time for alterations to be done there also. I have been an interstate bridesmaid and done it this way before.
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i was the one who chose the design of my bridesmaids dresses. they paid 50% and i paid the other half. they were all fine with the design and the expenses. same thing with my seconday sponsors (traditional Filipino Wedding). i chose the design and split the expesnses.
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bridesmaid should pay for her own dress since she is keeping it. if she is being such a hassle, then i reccomend you take her off of your wedding party. having someone overseas makes it really hard. if she really is specail to you, ask her to do a reading or something, that way she can wear whatever she likes (within reason) and will not need to coordinate with everyone else.
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Traditions vary all over the world, but where I live in the UK the person paying for the wedding usually pays for the bridesmaid dress. I paid for my bridesmaid’s dress, hair, shoes, jewellery etc, because that is more acceptable in my culture. It seems in the US that bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, so if I were you I would do what is your local custom to avoid offending anyone.
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All my bridesmaids paid for their own dresses. You can maybe send her a picture of the dresses and see what she can find. Have her go to places near her and take pictures and have her send them to you. That way you can tell her what to get.
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I have been in 8 wedding and have had to pay for my dress every time. In 2 of the wedding I also have to travel a distance. She should go to a seamstress there and be measured. You can order the dress and pay for it yourself if necessary, to get it then. Let her know how much it is and ship it to her so she can have a alterations done ahead of time. This is how it has been done in both the wedding I had to travel for and now the same girls are doing it for my wedding
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ok the bridesmaids but if it is very costly the bride could offer to pitch in. remind her that this is your day(nicely) these are your choices her only choice really is if she wants to be in the wedding. but since she is comming in from another country it might be nice of you to offer to pay for it since you know what a costly ticket and travel that will be and she is such a wonderful friend to do it.. yes there are rules about costs and who pays but a good attitude and thankfulness for a good friend goes a long way too:)
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