You are currently browsing comments. If you would like to return to the full story, you can read the full entry here: “Listen to my Stupid Dreams?”.
4 Responses to Listen to my Stupid Dreams?
You are currently browsing comments. If you would like to return to the full story, you can read the full entry here: “Listen to my Stupid Dreams?”.
that is a beautiful poem you should publish it… it is very deep and amazing.
Report Spam/Abuse
to many words.
D.
Report Spam/Abuse
Suggested edit:
My thoughts like birds that keep flying underneath my bed caught got to get free they float
away
faithful (fateful? in what way?) day
My thoughts like wings they twist and turn never changing constant.
you, the sea
the birds.. Fly away.
The lizard’s on the beach when the frog steals the mushroom. The bright sun in the sky has a butterfly for his tie and the bird takes it with him.
But really, where are we going here? Stop telling. Consider the verbs. How should they evolve logically throughout the poem to evoke an image?
Poetry is a discipline. It’s precise. Most important, it has to make sense. Review some of the tips here http://pokerpulse.com/news/viewtopic.php?t=1878 and here http://pokerpulse.com/news/viewtopic.php?p=2954#2954.
Report Spam/Abuse
You have a lot of good stuff here
and some knotty stuff to untie:
enough stuff so that if you cant
get the problematic lines ironed
out, omit them … you still have
a lot … give this a lot of time
and thought … you may re-write it
many times, liking it more and
more … feel free, dont pile a lot
of rules and suggestions on yourself
while in the strong creative phase …
all that like spelling can wait … a
long time … many of us can spell
but few can string good images
together.
Again … where the hot stuff boils over
and gets away from you, and you cant
fix it so you like it. just let it go for another
day, perhaps another poem.
You dont stop to sweep up crumbs and
chips while creating a sculpture, so dont
get bogged down in rules and suggestions
while those crazy dreams or birds are
chirping away at you.
Then check out rules and such with a great
respect and expectation.
Report Spam/Abuse